Pac Man & Politics

Pac Man
The problem is this guy has a rare affliction. He is addicted to Strip Clubs.

It strikes approximately one in every 20 males across the U.S. It can be an expensive addiction and leads to other issues we won’t get into at this time.

It tends to hit 21-30 year olds the most but can afflict married older men who have wives that would rather go to bridge club instead of a weekend trip with the hubby to Vegas.

There are three known cures – old age, death or a perky/young new trophy wife.

Back to Pac Man - it could be worse. He could be addicted to cocaine. The poor guy can’t even catch a break. He allegedly not only struck a female recently in one of these fine establishments, but she was a female lawyer as well. Ouch.

Let’s hope for Pac Man’s sake, she’s not a man-hating female lawyer.

What some creative NFL team needs to do is add him to the roster and build Pac Man a new house right next door to a Gentlemen’s Club. That way, if the NFL asks, he can just say he went to his neighbor’s for coffee. They do serve coffee at Strip Clubs, don’t they?

I have to be honest – I can’t get enough Pac Man news. I wonder if he can still run a 4.3 and cover. Unfortunately, we may never find out.

D-Cutt
Just when I congratulated him for making a nice grab late in Jacksonville’s first playoff game two weeks ago, Dennis Northcutt drops a big one against the Patriots this past weekend. Nice.

The video tape of his one-man show in Pittsburgh, when he dropped four passes at the tail end of the ’06 season in poor weather conditions as a member of the Cleveland Browns, must not have made its way to the Jacksonville GM this past off-season.

Yea, I know he had a good year for the Jaguars. Stop it. This is the NFL of 2008. You can’t touch the receivers if you are a defensive back. You can’t come near the quarterback without the possibility of a flag being thrown. The rules are so one-sided in terms of favoring the offense, it’s almost like Arena Football now in terms of the numbers good quarterbacks and receivers are putting up week to week.

Don’t insult my intelligence with “he had a good year.” He is a third receiver being paid starter’s money who should thank his lucky stars his agent convinced someone to pay him. I would have cut him after that Pittsburgh debacle or at least asked him to donate some of that check to his favorite charity.

Tony Romo
Perception is reality but Tony Romo doesn’t seem to get it.

I know he has a right to do it. I know he wasn’t hurting anyone. I know he’s a grown man and can live his life anyway he chooses as long as it is not hurting anyone else.

However, someone close to Romo, who has stones, needed to tell him going on a mini-vacation with a hot blonde (Jessica Simpson) before a playoff game was a BAD idea.

Nothing good comes out of it. If your team loses and you don’t throw three or four touchdowns in the process, you will be ridiculed for not preparing properly. That’s just the way it is. If you win, people still joke about it.

Is it fair? No. But quarterbacks are different. They get paid the most, get the most credit when the team wins, even if they don’t deserve it, and get the most blame when the team loses, even if they don’t deserve it.

Now would be a good time for Tony (Romo) to take Jessica out of town on a beach somewhere. He has a lot of free time on his hands now.

OSU Players
I’m told most of the Ohio State underclassmen that were eligible to enter the 2008 NFL draft opted to come back to school. Bad idea.

This isn’t baseball, where the contracts are guaranteed and if you keep yourself in good shape, you can play forever – especially if you are a left handed pitcher or a mediocre hitting catcher who can handle a staff. And it isn’t the NBA, where some guys just aren’t ready and a little more grooming in college might help.

This is the NFL, where the life expectancy is 3 1/2 years and contracts don’t mean anything beyond the signing bonuses and that year in question.

If I had a son who was slotted to be a first or second round pick in the upcoming NFL draft, I would advise him to turn pro. The risk of injury is too great and you are costing yourself one year’s worth of paychecks you will never make up by going back to school. Besides, you can always complete your degree in the off-season.

And please don’t tell me the kids go back to get their degree. Many of the players that go back to play their senior season stop going to class the following spring semester to train for the draft anyway. In fact, many players stop going to class in the fall if they can get away with it and still be eligible to play in one of the wonderful 32 bowl games jammed down our collected throats come the holidays.

I assume the main reason the OSU players came back is because they have a shot at a National Championship. I wish them luck but I still think it was the wrong move.

Politics
For those of you who don’t know it, I am a political wiz as well. In fact, I would much rather watch a presidential political debate than the Steelers – Bengals. So here is what you can expect to happen over the course of the next year in terms of the race for president.

Look for a McCain-Guliani or Guliani-McCain ticket in the fall on the Republican side while we still have Hillary Clinton winning the Democratic nomination over Barack Obama. We aren’t sure who she will choose as her running mate, but we don’t think it will be Obama.

Why these choices. In the end, the Republicans will go with who is likely to be strongest in terms of defending the nation against terrorism. As for the Dems, Clinton’s political machine should eventually wear down the Obama hype. In football terms, she’s stronger up front and the size and strength she possesses should take over in the fourth quarter.

As for the general election, we see a Republican win in the White House by 3-4% if one of the top two listed above heads the ticket. Americans, I believe, are ready to elect a female president, but not this one.

I know – you sick freaks don’t care about what is going on around you unless it is thrown, shot or caught. You would much rather hear my thoughts on who is going to play leftfield for the ’08 Tribe.

Some sort of platoon of course.