Bowling A 37

Barack Obama went bowling today in PA hunting for votes. Reportedly, he bowled seven frames and totaled a 37. That’s right – a 37!

Game, set, match – the election is now officially over – or at least it should be. I mean how does a grown man living in the USA with the sense of sight bowl a 37?

I don’t care if you have never picked up a bowling ball in our life, you can’t bowl a 37 in seven frames – not now, not ever, and expect other men to have any sense of respect for you.

And here’s a public relations question for his handlers – for heaven’s sake, why didn’t you stop him from embarrassing himself once it was obvious he had the coordination of a giraffe?

Wasn’t it obvious to these PR wizards every time he rolled the ball, he was losing more votes? Someone should have stepped up and stopped him. But no one did. Maybe that’s because he was surrounded by other gutter ball candidates. Perhaps they thought it couldn’t get any worse. I just don't understand it.

The more likely scenario is everyone in the Obama camp was stunned by his ineptness and simply failed to move. Besides, he wasn’t going to get the PA bowling alley crowd to vote for him anyway, right?

Again, that’s not the point.

How can potentially the most powerful person on the planet total 37 in seven frames? You see, many Americans won’t be able to wrap their minds around that one. Therefore, they won’t – or more importantly, shouldn’t vote for Obama.

It has nothing to do with his stance on issues. It has no relationship to his judgment. It has no bearing on his personality or even love of country. It has everything to do with the stars being aligned correctly and all being right with the world.

In other words - no male ever claims pink is his favorite color, if you get beamed by a baseball, you never rub it and we pee standing up.

Men will not vote for a guy who couldn’t beat his 10 year old niece at your neighborhood lanes. Period. You understand, don’t you? And if you don’t, stop reading - you don’t get it and never will.

Now the good news for the Obama camp - the mainstream media loves this guy. It has a little bit to do with white guilt and a lot to do with an excellent, young, orator peaking their collective interest. Therefore, most outlets will bury the tape. In fact, me being a cable news hound, I could only find a quick five second clip on one network that can only be described as follows - an uncoordinated approach to the lane that quickly turned into a gutter ball (wide right alla Scott Norwood) nearly immediately post release.

Only one network carried it tonight. I wonder why?

In fact, after the ugly tape ran, one of the talking heads hosting the program went off script (see: did not read from the teleprompter) and actually added the following trying to cover for the poor guy - “We have heard he’s actually an excellent basketball player.”

Right! I’m sure most “excellent” basketball players have a tough time reaching that magic number of 37 after rolling, what, 14 bowling balls down an alley.

The problem for Obama and company is the inevitability that this footage will find its way on Youtube. If you are a Hillary Clinton operative or you work for the John McCain camp, forget about Reverend Wright. Just get this footage out to the public ASAP. It speaks for itself. You won’t need anything else.

I’m hoping against hope the story has some holes. Maybe he had 37 after five frames, not seven. That would make me feel a little better in case he is elected president next November. I would sleep better at night thinking he could at least reach 100 on a good night if he went the distance.

Come to think of it – I don’t want to see Barack Obama anywhere near another bowling alley the rest of this campaign season. That five second view I had was horrifying enough. I may have trouble sleeping tonight thinking this guy may one day be the leader of the free world.

Too bad – I actually like him. He and I are about the same age and he seems like an intelligent dude.

I do have one piece of advice for his handlers if they some day all do heroine one night and decide to take him back to the scene of the crime – next time DEMAND BUMPERS! If my 10 year old daughter can get to the century mark with them (bumpers), a potential president should be able to do the same.

A bonus: I was about to sign off and just saw this clip on the local nightly sports wrap up - the president of some international car racing association just got picked up at a whore house with five hookers. It gets better. The girls were wearing nazi uniforms and beating him with whips while he was all tied up. And they have the video. NICE!

The story put a smile on my face. I hope it does the same for you.

By the way, the Indians are undefeated (1-0). Good for them. Yes, I watched some of it - innings eight & nine. And yes, I would have had Garko bunt - in case you were wondering with two on, no one out and the game tied in the bottom of the eighth. Blake, who was horrid in the clutch in 2007, got Wedge off the hook.

Till next week. Ciao.